My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
