what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
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