glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
The uberlube is also flammable
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize