This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
