I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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