Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
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