My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Randomize
