I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
