17 year olds will be the death of me.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
