pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
