Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Randomize
