I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
