you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
