bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
