bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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