Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
