she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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