he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
