I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
