if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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