I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
