Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
