i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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