I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
