apparently the secret to your success is patron
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
