a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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