1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
