God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I think I just sharted jello shots
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
