her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
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