i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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