I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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