Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
