i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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