i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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