i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
