i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
someone owes me an orgasm
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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