i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
