tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
