I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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