Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
