You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
