my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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