Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
