Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
