i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Randomize
