we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
