Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
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