Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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