Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
