Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
