my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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