I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
