she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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